


Tweek TEAk

by shittystorywriter



Category: South Park
Genre: Caffeine Addiction, Coffee, Coffee Addiction, Tea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:36:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18640096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittystorywriter/pseuds/shittystorywriter
Summary: Tweek gives up his coffee addiction in exchange for tea.





	1. Chapter 1

Craig quietly walked to Tweek's parent's coffee shop, listening to the crunching of the ice and snow under his boots.

As he approached the shop, he saw his twitchy boyfriend placing a tray of cookies inside the glass storage unit. One thing was unusual, however. He wore a colorful tie dyed headband around his hair, something that Craig had never seen him wearing before. While opening the door to go inside, he caused Tweek to turn slightly at the sound of the door's bell. Tweek looked up and smiled when he saw Craig entering the shop. Craig gave a small smile back. "Hey."

"Hey Craig," Tweek replied, smiling calmly.

Craig noticed that, along with the tie dyed hairband, he was also wearing beaded bracelets, and a rope necklace with a peace sign. "Uh..new look?"

"What? Oh, yeah, I guess," Tweek replied, still smiling calmly. His parents didn't seem to be around, and he was listening to some kind of strange calming music, featuring flutes and sounds of rain. Almost like something you'd hear in a spa. On top of that, there were bamboo plants sitting on the counter, as well as some new plants in pots on the floor, apparently new additions since he'd last visited.

"What's with all the plants?" Craig asked.

Tweek shrugged. "I read that they help create feng shui."

"Feng what?" Craig raised an eyebrow.

Craig then noticed Tweek's apron, which looked unusually pristine. Usually, there was coffee spilled all over it. His hair looked much tidier than usual as well, not sticking out all over the place like it usually was. On top of that, his shirt appeared to be properly buttoned, for once in a rarity. Craig was surprised, but he brushed it off as a mere coincidence. Tweek simply must have gotten lucky today and done everything right.

"So, you wanna go do something today?" he asked, hands idly in pockets as he stood at the counter.

Tweek simply shook his head. "Sorry, I have to stay here till my parents come back."

Craig frowned. "When are they coming back?"

The blonde just shrugged. "Whenever. They went to go get some supplies or something. I have to stay here in case any customers come in."

"How about I stay here too and keep you company?" Craig offered.

"Sure." Tweek smiled as he took out a rag to clean the counter.

"Do you need any help?" Craig asked, watching him wipe up the coffee stains and crumbs.

"Nah, I'm good!" Tweek replied.

 _'Something is off'_ , Craig thought. Tweek seemed noticeably more calm and upbeat than usual for the past week. He didn't seem nearly as peeved about having to work. And his movements seemed a lot less twitchy as well. In fact, Craig did not see him twitch once since he entered. "You seem a lot more cheery lately. What's up?"

Tweek just smiled and put his wash rag down. He then picked up a coffee mug, and showed the mug to him. Craig looked at it, confused, before peering inside the mug. Inside was not the usual brown coffee that Tweek drank every day, but instead what looked like a clear yellow liquid.

"What's that?" Craig asked. His first impression was that it looked like a cup full of piss. But why would he be drinking a cup of piss?? It couldn't be that.

"It's green tea!" Tweek beamed. "I've been drinking tea instead of coffee lately. I'm finally quitting my coffee addiction. I don't even miss coffee! It's been great." He gulped down the cup before pouring himself some more.

Then he took out a wooden box from under the counter, showing Craig his new collection of tea. "Want to try some? These ones are from Japan, and this one was picked by monkeys."

Craig raised an eyebrow. "No thanks. Um..picked by monkeys?"

Tweek chuckled. "Yeah, apparently they have monkeys climb the trees and pick out the best tea leaves."

Craig looked skeptical. "I somehow doubt that you can really train a monkey to do that."

"Why not? Monkeys are people too, man!" Tweek casually replied, sipping his cup of tea. "Did you know that the palm oil industry is killing orangutans??"

Craig just shook his head. He guessed it was good to see Tweek finally attempting to quit his coffee addiction. But then he suddenly remembered that tea is not caffeine free, either. Did Tweek even know?

"Umm..Tweek, how much tea have you been drinking every day?" he asked out of curiosity. He noticed that he had a large teapot full of the stuff sitting on the counter.

Tweek tapped his chin in contemplation. "Hmm..I don't know. I just go with the flow, man. I drink it all day. But it's okay. Tea is good for you!" He gulped down another cup. "You can never have too much tea!" he smiled. "Hey, aren't those birds outside nice?"

Craig turned around to see some pigeons standing around on the sidewalk. He raised an eyebrow at Tweek, who was still grinning for no apparent reason. "Uh, yeah, I guess. Hey, do you mind if I use your WiFi?" He took a seat at one of the nearby tables.

"Of course not. The WiFi is free. Well, I'm going to stand here and watch those amazing birds." Tweek leaned on the counter top, contently staring out the window at the pigeons.

Craig was getting seriously weirded out by Tweek's uncharacteristically calm and happy behavior. This was not normal. Tweek wasn't the type of guy to just stand there calmly and watch birds. Tweak was the kind of guy who would find a reason to panic over the sight of birds loitering, questioning if the birds were secretly drones sent to spy on him with hidden cameras in their eyeballs.

He was going to get down to the bottom of this. He took out his phone and googled "green tea effects". After a quick read, he learned of a chemical in tea called theanine. One website said that it can boost a person's good mood. He also read that tea can have a calming effect.

Tweek was consuming mega doses of happy chemicals? Perhaps that was why he was suddenly acting like a damn hippie. While anything that might reduce Tweek's anxiety seemed like a good thing, Craig wasn't so sure that he liked this new version of Tweek.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Craig went to visit Tweek's house. He was greeted with the smell of something burning coming from his bedroom. When he stepped inside, he saw Tweek meditating inside some kind of DIY hut made from a bed sheet. There were incense sticks burning around him too. And his bedroom was filled with more plants than he saw yesterday at the coffee shop.

Craig knocked on the wall, shaking Tweek from his meditation. Tweak blinked and looked at him, grinning. "Oh, hiya Craig. You didn't tell me you were coming."

"Oh yeah, sorry, I was bored and just thought I'd stop by."

"That's OK. My third eye sensed the arrival of your spiritual presence before I saw you here in physical form," Tweek replied, putting out the burning sticks. He picked up a cup of tea and took a long sip.

Craig looked at him like he was insane. "Uh, okay. I guess you redecorated your room too," he commented, looking around at the hippie den.

"Yah dude, I just wanted to feel in touch with nature. Like, even though I'm inside, I'm also outside. You know?" Tweek explained with another sip. "So I tried to make my room like a forest. It's just wild."

"Okay, what the hell is in that tea you've been drinking?" Craig finally asked. He couldn't take this weird behavior anymore.

Tweek didn't get upset at his accusatory tone, he just smiled. "Nothing dude, it's just tea."

"Are you sure it's not some kind of "herbal" drink? You didn't buy it from Stan's dad, did you?" Craig questioned.

"No dude, I got it at this tea shop. You wanna try some?" he asked, smiling.

Craig shrugged. What the hell, why not? Tweak seemed pretty happy, maybe he could use a happy boost as well. "Sure, I guess."

Tweek poured him a cup from his teapot. Craig drank it down, but he didn't feel any different. Tweek offered him another cup. Then another. Eventually he had lost count of how many cups of tea had been consumed. It wasn't long before they were laying on the floor under the blanket hut, laughing hysterically at anything and nothing in particular.

"Shit, this stuff really is good," Craig commented, feeling a calm, relaxed happiness washed over his body.

"I told you man, tea is good for you. I'm so glad I gave up coffee," Tweek replied.

"Yeah, me too. I should start drinking this stuff every day." Craig took another sip of his drink.

"Tea is great," Tweak replied in a trance.

They laid there for another hour, doing nothing but feeling perfectly content, before it was time for Craig to head home. He went to bed that night feeling nice and relaxed.

Eventually, drinking tea every day had become an after school ritual for them. Craig would go to Tweek's house right after school and they would drink their worries away.

But one morning, he woke up feeling tired and groggy. He dragged himself out of bed and got ready for school. But something was missing. He could really use a cup of tea. So he ran to Tweek's house and knocked on the door. Tweek appeared with a mug in his hand.

"Hey, can I have some of that?" he asked. Tweek smiled calmly and motioned for him to come in.

Craig waited anxiously as Tweek prepared some more tea for him. He dropped an ice cube in the mug so they wouldn't have to wait for it to cool down.

Excited, Craig gulped down his drink. Ahh, that was better. He felt calm and alert again. "Hey, maybe after school you can take me to that tea shop you were talking about."

Tweek nodded. "Sure! I was thinking of going anyway, I could use some more tea. You'll love it there, they have all kinds of teas."

"Woah. I can't wait."

Just then, Tweek's dad came into the kitchen. He looked at the two boys sitting there calmly and quietly, drinking cups of tea. It was an unusual sight. Usually at this time in the morning, Tweek would be running around frantically, trying to get ready for school and panicking. And he rarely saw Craig at his house at 7 AM in the morning.

"Hey, what are you guys doing? Why is Craig here? You weren't messing around in Tweek's bedroom last night, were you?" Mr. Tweak questioned.

They shook their heads. "No, Craig just needed some tea," Tweek explained.

Mr. Tweak looked concerned. "Tea? Are you still drinking that stuff? What about coffee?"

"I gave up coffee, dad. I'm a much better person now. Both Craig and I have become tea people."

His father looked shocked. "What do you mean, tea people? The Tweaks are not "tea people"! Coffee runs in our blood!" He began to angrily prepare a pot of coffee, enraged that his son would choose such a degenerate lifestyle. Hopefully it was just a phase.

Tweak smiled calmly at him. "I understand that coffee is important to our family values, but I've moved on."

"I can't accept this. I won't have my only son becoming some pansy tea drinker! Your mother and I worked hard to raise you as a normal young man who appreciates coffee beans."

"But tea is really good, Mr. Tweak," Craig interjected.

Mr. Tweak scowled at Craig. "You stay out of this!"

Just then, Tweek's mother entered the kitchen. "What's going on?"

"Our son just said he doesn't want to drink coffee anymore, and that he drinks tea now," Mr. Tweak explained, crossing his arms.

Tweek just took a sip of his mug, shrugging like it was no big deal.

"Oh dear," his mother said worriedly. "Is this true, Tweek?"

"Yeah mom, I'm just not into coffee anymore. I feel great drinking tea."

Mrs. Tweak covered her mouth in shock. "Tweek, we need to have a talk when you get home from school today."

He just shrugged and nodded casually. It wasn't long before they were out the door on their way to the bus stop.

"Can you believe this? I never would have expected my son to end up a tea drinker!" Mr. Tweak complained.

"Don't be so harsh, dear. Maybe he's just confused, or going through a teenage rebellion," Mrs. Tweak said, trying to calm down her husband.

"I don't know what it is. I'm starting to feel like Craig is a bad influence on him," Mr. Tweak complained.

"We'll talk with him after school. It'll be alright," she replied, patting his back. He picked up his mug of coffee and took a large gulp.


End file.
